jffanrulz

Tattoo

2008-07-16T15:53:58Z

Hello. I know I haven't posted in awhile. Well I just got high-speed internet. So I will be on quite a bit now. I have a new "friend". She lives next door. We went to Nashville a couple of weeks ago and got smashed. We met up with my friend that lives in Nashville Jessica. It was a blast to get away from all this crap at home. Got my disability and backpay. So now I deciding my future for my son and I. I have been in the hospital with brain surgery. Now I may need another surgery. So right now I can't work as a x-ray tech. No worries though this is temporary and I still have my license and can go back to work when I am able. My friend Gwenn is awesome. She has been taking me out showing what I have been missing for the past 2 1/2 yrs. I got a tattoo. I always wanted one, but finally did it! It is on my ankle. It is the chinese symbol for peace. My parents will freak because they are so conservative, but you know what I dont care. Well hope all is well in your lives. Can't wait till Jorja is back on CSI. Glad she is doing the animal awareness. She is awesome. Can't wait til Uh Huh Her CD comes in the mail. They rock! I love Leisha! Well Peace and love!

Warrick NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2008-05-16T02:50:22Z

Ok so yeah CSI is hard to watch without Jorja on. Now Warrick is dead. Man I was shocked. Knew it was his last episode, but that was very sad. Hard for me not to cry. I hate change. It always results in sadness. Boy, hasn't CSI changed. Hope Gary D. gets help and is ok.

Awesome Birthday Met Leisha Hailey OMFG!!!

2008-05-15T22:09:45Z

I know it has been ages eince I updated. Sorry Just not been in a good mood to be on the computer. Well anywhoo. My birthday was May 7 and I went to Nashville to visit my Jessica and go to an UH HUH HER concert. That is Leisha Hailey's band from The L Word if yall don't know(duh) lol. Well we went to dinner at the Olive Garden. Perfect place cause we are both vegetarians. Then off to The Exit Inn to see UH HUH HER. The concert was Fucking AMAZING! We were right in front of the stage. I could touch Leisha and Cam if I wanted too. Well we had a few drinks and we were all dancing! This was the first time I had ever been around lesbians. This stupid little town I live is just dumb. Well I felt so free. I loved it. After the band signed. I got a poster and a t-shirt. I met Leisha and Cam. They were so nice and HAWT. They both said happy birthday to me and posed for a picture. So it was the greatest birthday EVER. Afterward, we went to the local lesbian bar called "TheLipstick Lounge" for the after-party. Everyone was having such a blast and singing karoke. Then I spent the night with my friend Jessica and headed home. What a blast.

Happy <3 Day

2008-02-13T16:41:52Z

I haven't posted in awhile, so I thought I would. Things are not so rosey here, but hopefully they will get better. Dawson is staying sick this winter. His immune system is so vunerable. He is being tested for the gifted class. I am so proud. Today my lawyer called and my hearing is April 8. So, maybe I will get my back-pay and maybe get out of here. I want to find that person that is destined to be with me. A person who doesn't judge me and loves me for who I am. I hope Alyssa has a beautiful time in LA. I want to go so badly, but maybe I will be able to go one day. To meet Jorja would be a dream come true. I am driving up to Tennessee Saturday to meet Jessica. We can catch-up on things and hang out. I need to get away for just a day. Well peace, love and happiness to all. Enjoy Valentine's Day with someone you love. I wil lbe spending it with Dawson. He has my heart. Huge Love <3

Jorja, Auburn wins

2007-11-25T04:43:19Z

Jorja is missed so much! I miss seeing her in the credits. She acted her ass off in the years she was on CSI. I cried and cried as she left in the taxi. I guess life goes on, but it is a depressing situation. Auburn won! 6 in a row against our arch rival Alabama! College football if yall don't know about it. Life has been pretty depressing lately. Haven't got to talk to Morgan. Have not got to talk to Wendy. She moved and I have only seen her 2 times. I hope when she gets moved back in Arab I will see her more often. Anyway, Peace and love to all!

Sara Lives, Life, etc.

2007-10-01T02:57:30Z

Alot has happened since my last post. My Aunt passed away. I was in the room with her, holding her hand. It was a moment I will never forget. Dawson is doing great. I have been having some issues with headaches, but nothing new. Sara lived on CSI! Yeah, for that! I was so happy! I hope Jorja will stay the entire season, but it looks dim. I had a crush on someone, and they told me they felt the same. So, we have been chatting. Well the other night, they tell me that they don't feel that way anymore about me. So I was heart broken. Life goes on. It just sucks sometimes. Well hope all is well with everyone. I will be fighting for Jorja to stay. Will mail my "dollar" letters. Peace and love to all!

Computerless

2007-08-27T22:19:08Z

So ya I am computerless. Is that a word? I don't know, but it sucks! Right now I am using my Dad's. So everything is just going along. I am depressed and really don't feel like writing alot. I hope everyone is well. Looking forward to Sept. 27!!!! New Season of CSI DUH!
We got a new puppy. Her name is Honey. She is adorable. Peace and love to all!

Hello

2007-08-20T22:01:35Z

Hello. Alot has happened since the last post. Dawson is great and started second grade! He is so smart that they are gonna test him for the gifted class. If he makes it, he will be the first 2nd grader in the gifted class. I am doing fine. I have one more class at the pain clinic and I don't have to go to class anymore. Just to have my procedures which the last one was AWFUL. I usually can handle them, but the last one was AWFUL! So my computer my Dad let me borrow blew-up and now I am computerless. My brother-on-law has had my computer for 6 months now fixing it. So I have to come up to my parents and check my email. Well Dawson brought a little dog home the other day, so now we have another dog. This makes 3. We have one black Lab named Molly. The next door neighbor has a daschund (sp?) and she stays at our house. Her name is Molly. Now we have a little puppy that looks to be 8 weeks old. She is honey colored. She looks like she is half Lab/ half Chow. She is adorable. Dawson named her Honey. So now we have 3 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 frog. Well take care and peace and love to you all. Can't wait till September 27. Atleast I think that is the date of the Season Premier of CSI Season 8!

Dawson's surgery

2007-07-31T21:49:42Z

Dawson's surgery went well. He is 7 by the way. It was really rough. He had a bone graft. They took a piece of bone out of his left hip. He is black and blue on his cheek. He is limping, but walking good now. It is rough because he is on soft foods for another week. He is picky on what he eats, so it is crazy. His hip has hurt him worse than his mouth. His speech has been affected. His talking nasally, so we may have to go back and do speech therapy again. So anywhoo, glad it is over. Peace and love to all!

There is a time to live and a time to die

2007-07-17T03:35:53Z

Well Jorja, the new kitty we got a few days ago died this morning. I did everything I could for her. She had some kind of disease. So the Vet. said. I held her and watched her take her last breathe. It is not fair sometimes all the shit we have to endure. It reminded me of the song though, "Turn, Turn, Turn". "There is a time to live and a time to die". I guess it was Jorja's turn to die, even though she was not alive on this Earth long. I have had a rough few days. I am dreading Dawson's surgery and things are not going great in the finacial situtation here. My husband blames me because of my pain and my ability not to work. So hurrah it is my fault again. His mother is having Lapband soon. She has been through this 6 month thing to where you have alot of checkups,etc. until your insurance will pay for it. Well when Dawson's surgery is over I am going to start it. I will have Lapband probably 6 months from now. I am excited because I think it would make my life better. They would be doing it on medical reasons because I am not 100lbs overweight. Well we go to Birmingham tomorrow for pre-op for Dawson to ask our questions and all that jazz. I am going to miss talking to my friend/ my rock through this. (Morgan)She is going on vacation. I miss her alot lately because she began a new job and I can't talk to her as often. I am proud of her though! She deserves this vacation! I miss you UB and love you! Thanks Lyssa for the bracelet you got me! It rocks! It made my day! Peace and love to all.

New Jorja Kitty

2007-07-14T03:21:01Z

Well guess what my son found today at his Great Grandmother's? A little kitty! It looks just like my one year old cat Super. Well it was a little poor thing. Someone had dropped it. It is real skinny. It is a female. So I named her Jorja! I know, I know yall knew it! Anywhoo, We are going to take her to the Vet. tomorrow to get her checked out. My cat Super has tiptoed around her so far. He seems to like her. She has been eating and drinking. So I hope everything goes great and she fits in beautifully! I am so EXCITED! I needed something to go well! I am so stressed at the moment! With Dawson's surgery coming up and all. Well peace and love!

Scared as Hell

2007-07-09T03:46:14Z

I am scared as hell! Dawson's surgery is coming up July 25. It is a bone graft and I am scared to death for him. I have already told him that he is having surgery to fix his gum and so his teeth will be straight. I don't want to do into detail about it. It will just scare him as well. I just dread the NPO and the morning of the surgery. They will have to do an IV of course and he will not like that. I just hope that they will give him some Verset (happy juice) to calm him and help with the seperation anxiety. I just hope we get through this. It does not help the fact that I will have to be stuck in the same room as my husband the whole time Dawson is in the hospital. Atleast here at home I can go to my computer or read or go outside. Welll whomever is reading this (if anyone) keep my son in your thoughts. Thank you!

Happy Birthday Jorja

2007-07-08T14:44:40Z

Dear Jorja,

Happy Birthday Jorja! I hope it is filled with peace and love! You so deserve it! When I feel down and out, I can think of you and feel better! That is an awesome thing! Thank you for all your charity work and thank you especially for the strong women roles you have played on TV! You are an inspiration! I will be your slave for the day or year or whatever lol! Peace and love--Shannon

Today is my hero Jorja Fox's birthday! I hope she has a great one! Today also marks the 2 yr. ann. of the London bombings. My thoughts and prayers are with the victims and families. I wished that we could all live as one in peace. Today also is the Live Earth concert. I believe everyone could make a difference in this World and save it, if we just tried. It is simple as buying a special lightbulb. What else do we have to live on? Peace and love to all!

Hello

2007-06-22T00:24:44Z

Hello to all! I hope everyone is doing well! I wish all of you a beautiful day full of peace and love! Just got my injections yesterday. I believe the Dr. said he injected 13 spots. So, today I am very sore and I can't really turn my head to the right. It will get better. I had to go clean house today at Uncle Bobby's. Dawson wanted to go, so he went and hung out and played. I then cooked supper. I am exhausted as well as in pain. I guess I did over-do it a little today. Had to get it done though. So, anywhoo. CSI is on. I have watched 3 hours of it already on SPIKE. Now, at 8pm the Built To Kill II will be on. Coolness! Getting my CSI now! Well take care and peace!

I Am Alive

2007-06-19T23:40:04Z

Wow! What a few days! I have been so sick. My medicine has been screwed-up and I have been on the couch for 3 days! I had to go to the ER Sat. night/sun. morning. My Dr. has called ahead and told them orders. Well they did not do them. They just gave me a shot and sent me home. So I have been in hell for the past 3 days! When they mess with your meds that you have been on for years, it sucks! I went crazy yesterday yelling, cussing, throwing things! WOW! That is not me. I am a laid-back person. That hardly ever yells. I have cut myself before when I get upset. So I cut myself yesterday for the first time in over many months. So, today they finally got my meds straightened out and I am so much better. I don't wish that on anyone. Tomorrow I go for another set of injections in the back of my head and neck. So hopefully that will help. Dawson has been so sweet. I gave him a bath and he told me when I go to feeling bad to think of him, Jorja Fox and Morgan. He is my life! I hope everyon else is great! It is looking up for Jorja to come back next season! I hope her Emmy Nomination stays! She so deserves it! Peace and love to all!

Wild Week

2007-06-12T23:57:07Z

This has been a wild week. Dawson had 3 teeth pulled yesterday. He said it hurt. He screamed and blood was everwhere. I held his hand and cried right along with him. After it was over, I had brought some tyenol with us. Well it had melted in the car. It was 100 degrees and we have to give him suppositories because he is afraid of medicine. WeE had to drive around in Alabama's biggest city Birmingham and find a Walmart and get him some more. He was screaming with pain. After I got 3 in him he was fine. So today he has ate good and he is doing fine. Thank goodness. Culley's arm is fine. He is driving me nuts. I like having my own routine and he is interferring in my daily things. The pain clinic is going ok. The injections I had almost 2 weeks ago has helped a little. They must have gave me 10 or more shots in my neck nerves and my skull nerves. Underneath flouroscope machine. Must different from the last time. Have next one the 21st. Found out that Jorja is on the CBS list for next Season on CSI. That is a great thing. She also maybe a nominee for an Academy Award for her performance in Empty Eyes. I hope that it sticks and she finally gets the kudos that she deserves.

Surgery

2007-06-01T02:37:44Z

Today was Culley's surgery. It went well. We were there ALL day long. We did not get home till after 6:30pm. Dawson has been wide-open. I am taking care of both of them. I am pulling my hair out. The surgery went well. The Dr. said that it was more invasive than he first thought. The labrium was torn worse and the cyst was bigger. So he had to put two small hooks into the bone there in the shoulder to pull it back together. He will be out of work for 6 weeks. Hopefully everything will be fine. I have my procedure tomorrow. The Dr. will inject me with 50cc of pain medicine in each nerve in the back of my head and neck. The Occiptal nerve. To pretty much put to sleep the entire back of my head to help out with the pain. I have been extremely happy with them so far. I will be good to go afterwards. It will just be sore and I wont be able to turn my head tomorrow night from side to side. I will be able to take care of everyone though. I know people are wondering why I am having it done one day after Culley's surgery, well if I cancelled mine it would be over a month till the next available appt. Dawson is having 3 teeth pulled on June 11. So we are gonna be some nice, sickly folks. So, anyway hope everyone is doing well. Dawson is enjoying summer so far. Just playing and reading. His favorite two things to do. Well peace and love to everyone. Go to www.goveg.com and vote for Jorja as the sexiest vegetarian. Hope Jorja is back in July for filming of Season 8. Guess we will find out soon! =)

Thanks

2007-05-25T16:00:08Z

This is a little thank you for a special person in my life. I would like to thank this person for always being there for me. No matter if I am having a bad day or whatever I can always talk to this person and they make me complete. They make me smile and feel special. That is something I have never felt before.... special and this person makes me feel this way. We may live apart, but we will get to be together someday. You know who you are...UB!!! =) "To the roof" lol

Proud

2007-05-25T15:54:32Z

Today was Dawson's last day of school. He is now in 2nd grade! Wow where does the time go? He won quite a few awards! He won an award for being on the Honor Roll all year, he won an award for Outstanding Reading Achievement from his Voyager Reading System, He won an award for benchmarking on the Dibels test and he won the award for The Highest score on the Dibels test in the whole first grade. The Dibels test is a test they take 2 times a year that shows how fast an accurate a student can read. Their "benchmark" grade is 50 WPM (words per minute). Like he is suppose to be able to read 50 words a minute from a story or whatever. He reads 185. So he reads better than the whole first grade! He is reading on a 3 1/2 grade level right now! He did not talk till he was 4 1/2 due to health problems and the dr. told us he may never talk. Well, we have been blessed that he don't only talk, but he is so smart. I don't know where he got that from, but I am very proud! I remember feeling him move in my tummy and I remember hearing his first cry. I remember holding him for the first time. Now, he is in 2nd grade and so smart. When I am having a bad day, I can always hold him or hug him and smell his hair and that helps me. I know that it sounds corny, but it is true! I am so proud of you Dawson! He has a long way to go. He is having some surgery the 11th of June on his teeth. Then after that heals, he will have the biggest surgery yet, the bone graft. Then he will have braces put on his front teeth. I just hope everything works out and he will have a perfect smile.

My poor, poor Jorja/Sara

2007-05-19T02:16:08Z

WEll I knew the spoilers, but it couldn't prepare me to see Sara in peril. I hated that it had to be her. I cried and cried. I just hope they come to a revolution to her contract, and she returns. Because to me there is no better pair than Jorja/Sara on tv. Sara Sidle is a great character. The episode seemed really rushed to me. I know we needed to know why Natalie starting killing and making the minuature's, but they should have had a 2 hour episode. I uunno, it just seems unresolved. Which that is the "cliffhanger" part of it. I thought I was crazy, but Natalie takes me hands down. That creepy song"Sawdust". Nightmares!!! Well Poor Sara, hang on I am coming to rescue you! LOL Peace out!

Update

2007-05-16T23:41:58Z

Sorry I have not updated lately. Let's start with my birthday, which was May 7. I went out with some friends to Olive Garden. It rocked to see them again. I don't get to see them very often. Then I just spent some time with my family. I went shopping to get a outfit for graduation. (Jessica's my friend) i bought a rocking pink blouse and a dark pair of brown slacks. i also got a headband that was brown and pink spots on it. I bot some wooden bracelets too, My parents bought it for my bday present. I received lots of cards and My son got me a candle burner and a cute card. My brother let me drive his brand new truck to Nashville. That was his present to me. Also, my friend Morgan drew me some GREAT drawings. My friend Lyssa made me a GREAT Jorja desktop. I received some gift cards that I used for gas money. Still had some bday money left to go to Nashville.

I left to go to Nashville Friday afternoon. Got there and hung out with Jessica and her parents. Then we went to dinner. Sat. was her graduation. It was great. I cried. I was so proud of her. She moved to Nashville from West Virginia to go to Belmont U to pursue a music business degree. I have known her for 10 years. Then after, we went to Chucky Cheese and ate veggie pizza, cake and played games. Then I drove home. Hung out with the family on Mother's Day. Then Monday wsa Dawson's Fun Day at school. It was fun to hang out with him all day at school.

Today I went to the pain clinic to get my first injection. Man it hurt really bad. They injected 50 cc in each side of my back of the skull. The occipital bone joint. It hurt, but I hope it will help with my headaches. I was diagnosed with Pseudotumor Cerbi and Occiptal Neuralgia. I hope I get better, so I can go back to work. Gain my independence.

Well CSI is tomorrow. All we can do is hope that Jorja will return next season. If she does not, I wish her nothing but the best. I love her and she rocks! Sara Sidle forever! Lol!!! Peace and Love to all!!! <3 yall----S

H.O.P.E Class

2007-04-30T22:46:54Z

     Today was my second H.o.p.e. Class. I joined the Alabama Pain Center and had my first visit. They prescribed some medicine and I have to attend these classes in order to get your medicine. I was like fuck, but they aren't that bad really. It teaches you how to deal with your pain using relaxing techniques and therapy. So, today we learned about where's my focus. When you have chronic pain, you deal with a loss of some kind. You go through loss. You go through lots of steps. As in Denial, anger, blame, sadness. When you are going through those, you are in victim mortality mode. The you accept your pain. You redefine and reinvent your life. You are in survivor mortality mode. Right now I am in victim mortality mode. I go through those steps each day. It is really hard for anyone to understand chronic pain suffers if you have never had pain. It sucks, but I have to deal with it and go on with my life. hopefully I will one day. I need to get up each day and try harder. I realize that I need to do that for myself and for my son. He counts on me and I can't be selfish.

     Yesterday Culley and I had a HUGE fight. I losted it over the playroom being messy. I have to learn that it is a playroom and can't be spotless with a 7 year old playing. He knows how to push my buttons though. It was not just me. Anyway he grabs my arms and I have a bruise on it today. I kicked the shit out of his leg and scratched him. That was the very first time our fights ever got physical. I had a good childhood, but my parents would fight sometimes. They would get physical and I would have to break them up. It scared the shit out of me of course. I stay terrified when they would argue that they would physical. I do not want to subject Dawson through that. I realized yesterday, for his sake, that I need to get us out of this situation. So I am biding my time, till I can get better and get us out of this mess.

     Today on the way home. I saw a homeless man. I realized that my life is not as bad as some in this world. I am scared and depressed all the time. I feel sorry for myself all the time. I realized today, that I need to get a grip. Start living and stop looking back. What is in the past, I can't change. I sure can make my future better for myself and for my son.

WHY

2007-04-27T04:01:54Z

Why oh why must I subject myself to the "bashing of Sara"!!!!!! FUCKERS!!!!!!!! I just don't know why I let myself go there and read their shit!!!!!! OK maybe in 3 fucking weeks these assholes will be so happy!!!!!!! I know I will not be!!!!! I just wished people could all agree and all get alone!!! Oh, wait that is in my "kumbaya" frame of mind.

UUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH

2007-04-27T03:47:04Z

Well I was going to go to my friend's graduation on May 12 in Nashville. I have known her for 10 years and she is graduating college. Her Mom even sent me one of the tickets that they give out to the families. Well my asshole husband says I can't go because we are low on money. Well my birthday is May 7 and I get money for gifts so I was going to use that and my house cleaning money. Well no he says he needs the money. WTF am I nothing. I guess I am fucking stuck in hell. That is what it feels like. I feel as though I have noone sometimes. I live for my son. I guess I should try to make myself happy, but I guess I am scared. I don't know. I want out! I just got to figure out how. I am ready to make myself happy! I am tired of living a lie.

So, anyway CSI night! I LOVED this episode. I have very few outlets. CSI is one of them. So I loved this episode. Enjoyed it! Alot of JORJA/SARA! Great, funny episode! Only 3 more left of this season! Still don't know if Jorja/Sara will be back next season or not! So I am soaking up all the Saraness I can! Then I try to be happy and talk to my best friend and she don't like Sara. So, dampers my whole CSI happiness. So I guess it is a no- happy- Shannon day. Before you ask, yes I have good days. Only when I am sleeping! Anywhoo, I am going to pout and dream of Jorja.

The awful world

2007-04-19T03:00:05Z

Another school shooting, this time killing 33 people. I just don't know. People can even go to school anymore. In my perfect world we would all sit around a campfire and hold hands and sing "Kumbaya". Well, then I get judged because I believe that we all should live in peace. I wish there was no more violence and we had peace. If people would just love one another. That will never happen, there is too much hatred in this world. Too much discrimation. I don't know. I will try everyday to make a difference in my life by not judging and being a veg.